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I Was A Lonely Newlywed…
A young wife learns that marrying a workaholic is hard work.
by Rebecca Ascher-Walsh
So what if I had no sense of self? I anchored myself to my husband, a man headed to medical school, whose determination to help others, no matter the sacrifice, shed a charitable light on me.
When my internist asked if I knew that marrying a doctor-in-training was a recipe for disaster, I laughed. What did he know of the power of young love? What he might have asked in return was: what did I know of my husband?
And what, at 22, did I know of myself? The determination I loved in my husband lead to him spearheading a policy that required the doctors-in-training to enter the hospital Friday morning and leave Monday night.
For three years, I glimpsed him as he came in the door and headed to bed; when I prepared dinner to entice him en route, he would fall asleep, fork in hand. I was a married single person with none of the perks of either, and when it became clear— too many tears later—that there would always be a person who needed him more urgently than I did, we separated.
Day one: congratulating myself on getting out of bed. Day five: congratulating myself on showering. Eventually, dating others. Eventually, dating each other again. And six months later, just as I was congratulating myself on opening the door to my own home and embracing my solitude, an ultimatum: take him back or let him go forever.
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1 Amy // Sep 19, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Try being a military spouse. At least you knew where your husband was. My husband is getting out of the Marine Corps and will be attending med school. I can’t wait to see him as much as you saw your husband.
2 Cherry // May 12, 2008 at 11:57 am
To the above comment,
Didn’t you read it? She stuck it out and they’ve been married for 7 years. Lucky her…
3 Alessandra // Jan 22, 2008 at 4:51 pm
I was married for two very long, very lonely years. I called myself a MINO (to sound like widow), which meant Married In Name Only. Abandonment is a reason for an anulment. Since divorced, I had more sex in one month than in the two miserable years I was married. MINO no mo!
4 A // Feb 11, 2007 at 12:03 am
Kudos for you for making a stand albeit a little late. You have to set ground rules early. You did (later) and he came back. I think your story also re-confirms that people shouldn’t get married until they’re 30, IMHO.
5 Brittany // Jan 23, 2007 at 10:36 am
Im sorry but that just seems a little selfish that you wanted a seperation because you werent getting enough attention. If you truly loved him then you would have stuck it out..you should have known that he wouldnt be around much if he was going to become a doctor.